i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
