He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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