I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
is this the sara with the beer cane?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
