just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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