if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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