Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
