I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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