Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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