Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
