Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
