My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We are all done wearing pants today
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
