She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize