loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
