the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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