I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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