Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize