i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
