i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
