ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I love you. Go after that dick
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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