I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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