this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize