walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
