she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
