I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
