I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
