and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
