Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
