Pappa wants mamma naked
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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