It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
