Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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