i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
