I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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