remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
