he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
