people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
