I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
