we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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