Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
