Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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