and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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