come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
