why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That accounts for only three of the penises
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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