ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
