but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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