your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
