whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
