I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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