Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
