my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
