I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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