Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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