You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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