we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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