i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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