I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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