My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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