he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize