im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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