Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
