I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
