grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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