I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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