is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
