The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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