Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
