oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
