Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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