the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
