I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
