I'm drive I can fine osifer
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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