Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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