Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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