I have demons in me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
