An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
