You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
