there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
