my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
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Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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