The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
