i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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