I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
